I still remember that box in my elementary classroom. You know the one … decorated with hearts with a slot on the top, for a week leading up to the BIG DAY we would each eagerly post our secret Valentines – declaring that we “liked” someone else in the class. During my elementary school days every February 14 I would don my favorite pink or red outfit and head nervously off to school wondering if I would get any valentines. I remember munching on cupcakes with pink icing and those little red cinnamon hearts while watching the teacher begin to hand out the Valentines. My feelings of self worth were shaped by such experiences. How many Valentines I received let me know how likeable I was. Where I was picked for baseball teams defined my value, and the kindness or cruelty of the other grade 4 girls shaped how I trusted friendship.
If your experience mirrors any of these, if there is a tug on your heart or a flutter in your tummy, you are still allowing those experiences to define you. It is time to stop.
Only you have the right to define you. Not your grade 7 phys ed teacher, your mom or your ex-husband or wife. Not the grade 2 bully or the boss of your first job. Not your kids or your cats or your co-workers. You. Only you.
What if you “liked” yourself? Really LIKED yourself? Became your own Best Valentine every day of the year?
Dr. Robert Holden, the founder of the Happiness Project, and a warm and generous author colleague of mine at Hay House Books sent out a wonderful video today on Mirror Work. Developed and taught by Louise Hay, mirror work is a profoundly effective practice in developing self worth – and in coming to truly love and respect yourself. Combining Mirror Work with Belief Re-patterning deepens the experience, speeds up the process and allows you to move through the old patterns with ease.
Gift yourself 15 minutes to follow Robert in a simple mirror exercise on this video, while using these re-patterning statements…
- I forgive myself for believing I need to be in self-judgment.
- I forgive myself for believing I need to treat myself in those old ways any longer.
- I give myself permission to open up to the possibility of loving myself more deeply today.
- I give myself permission to explore being my own “Best Valentine”.
- I can continue in the old way, or I could actively deepen my love for myself. I choose to deepen my self-love.
- I choose to speak kindly and gently to myself in the mirror for one minute, five times a day, for the next week.
- I am free to actively explore ways of being my own best Valentine.
- I am free to treat myself as well as I would anyone else I care deeply about.
- I deepened my love for myself yesterday by…(Going to bed early, eating an apple, buying myself a single rose – fill in your own example!)
- I am learning to love myself more deeply
As Robert Holden says, “Your relationship with yourself influences the quality of your relationships with everyone and everything else.” I’m excited experience the changes that occur for me as I take myself to a place of deeper self-acceptance, greater self-respect, and more self-love through renewing my commitment to Mirror work this week.
It’s great fun to be your own best Valentine – way better than the cinnamon hearts and punched out Valentines of your childhood.
I look forward to hearing of your experiences of learning to love yourself more deeply.